"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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