he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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