maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
