No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
