after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
