I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
