And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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