Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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