I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
