I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
