I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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