wanna go halves on a baby?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
