So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
