Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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