did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
