i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
