1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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