Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
