u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
