so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
