I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
