literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
