he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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