I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle