i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads