last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.