fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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