By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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