also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
