Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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