I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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