I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
