I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
