I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
