chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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