If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
