Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
