Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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