look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
