Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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