Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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