considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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