Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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