So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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