i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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