he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
