It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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