worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
