between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
