i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
