you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
