i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
