oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
