Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
