OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
