Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
