It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
