Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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