Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
