so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
