maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
