dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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