Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
