Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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