you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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