there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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