I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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