i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
