haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
