Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
