I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize