Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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