i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I believe in your delicious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
