ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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