I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
did you just send me my own nude
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
