Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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