So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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