He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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