if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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