I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
