THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
