dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
